before we began today our teacher asked us to write a ‘Moment In Time’ piece using a picture of a boy in the water. We planned as a class to make sure we had the 5 W’s and the 6 Senses.
Be our writing in small groups we discussed the importance of using descriptive writing, using similes and metaphors where appropriate, using dialogue and have done our best to make sure our punctuation is correct. Some of us have even used ‘Show Don’t Tell’ in our writing to provide our reader with more of an experience.
Our teacher gave us 10 minutes for each paragraph and then 10 minutes for editing at the end. We had so much fun working together!
If you have a moment, we would love you to comment on our writing.
Boy Overboard!
In a bright sunny morning, Jack was surfing on the big sparkling waves. Suddenly a big wave came crashing towards him. SPLASH went the crashing water over Jack as the salty water went up his nostrils, as he tried to catch his breath. “AHHHHH!!!” screamed the little boy as he started to sink deep down in the sea.
As Jack was suffocating to get to the surface, water started rushing down his throat as he tried to swim towards his surfboard, as the water was as cold as ice. Suddenly he saw a gang of humongous sharks circling around him. The closer the sharks came to him, the more terrified he became. His heartbeat pounded as fast as lightning striking every second. He glanced at the creatures, as he grabbed his surfboard trying to surf away. “HELP! HELP!” Jack screamed as his teeth chattered, and his body was numb.
As the sharks came closer, one of them lunged towards him, biting Jack in the ribs. He could hear the crunchiness of the bones snapping, breaking into little pieces. The blood splatted into the creature’s face, as it poured down his hip, into the water. The gang of sharks circled him like a dosing its tail, as Jack laid on his back looking up into the bright blue sky. “I don’t want to die this way…” Thought Jack to himself as he saw a group of paranis coming towards him. He saw the creatures teaming up for their next chunk of meat. His rib started stinging from the salty water, as he wasn’t ready for round 2…
Written by Samia, Kisayah, Maria and Benjamin.
Kisayah:
I think that we all done well because we worked as a team by helping each other with our sentences. What I think I done well was I helped my team with their punctuation.
Maria:
I think that we all did well because we all worked as a team, and helped each other with our punctuation, similes and many more. What I did well in my group is being open with my ideas and my knowledge to make our piece of writing more interesting.
What I did well was sharing ideas with my group and putting all the ideas and making it a great moment in time. What I think I should work on is making the moment in time more interesting for the reader.
Samia:
I think we all did well because we all shared our ideas and made a really good moment in time. Also I think we worked well as a team and we checked our punctuations and we made sure it made sense. I also think we helped each other to make the moment in time a good writing so people can look at it and maybe they can comment.
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